I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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