so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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