took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
