Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
