I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
