I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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