i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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