it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
