We won't sleep together?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
