Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
