Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We're too hungover to prance.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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