even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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