It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
