I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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