I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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