She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
