On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
