finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
