I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
sex in a hospital.. check
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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