just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
