When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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