Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
