i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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