I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
