Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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