Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
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His hands were made for my vagina.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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