Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
