I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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