my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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