he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
