just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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