Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
