wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize