i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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