I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
