WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
