When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
