a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
someone owes me an orgasm
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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