Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
