im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Found your dick twin last night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
