I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
