so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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