Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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