he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
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The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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