So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
