Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So squirting runs in the family.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
