my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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