I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The feeling are messing with the penis
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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