Apparently you make a good broom.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
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Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
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You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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