Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
