You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
