Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
