Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
