I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
