So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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