if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Success! We fucked roommates!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
