i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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