I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
