I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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