Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
