And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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