I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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