just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
