This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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