I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
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As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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